An open (& quickly shut) letter that could give you a reality cheque…
24 years ago, I was barely born, starting to grow, but you were already a pro. Today, while I am in the process of processing my back aches, you have just played an entire tennis match. People around me, real and virtual, have gone absolutely bonkers. I cannot imagine how it must be for you. But when the craziness dies down, we need to sit and have “the talk”.
All good things must come to an end, but you must plan for your next step. So, even though there will be tears in your eyes (and ours), here are some tips and tricks to becoming a mere mortal like the rest of us.
Now that it is over, and yes, over it is. There won’t be a ‘next game’ until the money men decide to hold exhibition matches. So forget about tennis (for) now. It is time to get real (for a moment, but not really).
Have you thought about how you will sustain that you will have no income except from your umpteen advertisements, the exhibition matches, and the ton of money you already have?
What about your health? What will you do in the absence of professional trainers and fancy nutritionists? And the worst part about retirement is – no more hotel rooms! It will suck going back to your non-hotel, but still hotel-like house(s).
Don’t worry. These problems are just like Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic, or any of your other opponents. You try hard and overcome. Most times. 1245 out of 1521 times, to be precise. 103 times in a big way. And 20 times in a grand manner. It’ll work out. We got you.
As this glorious chapter draws to a close, it’s essential to look forward and start mapping out the next leg of your journey. Here are a few recommendations to get you started:
Help us find another Roger
After 24 years of ‘The Swiss Perfection’, you’re being missed already. Not just your wins, but your forehands, your aces, your backhands…and the grace and smile with which you have been on the court! But obviously, the world needs a new you.
You have us wondering, will there ever be another Roger discovered? Even if we trace it back to your origins? Look up someone born in Basel, Switzerland? With Swiss-German-African roots? Speaks Swiss, German, English, French, Italian and Swedish? Played basketball and badminton as a kid but chose to take over the tennis world? Someone who start out as a ball boy but then grow up to run about the tennis court for 4 hours 57 minutes – falls, sweat and tire – but never give up?
We’re sure that even with the most robust networks (and the data collected by AI recruitment tools), we’ll never find another JesusFed. Because…Roger, you’ve retired.
Get Your Pension Sorted, Mate!
Retirement is inevitable, as even the longest of careers eventually end, life needs to continue. Tennis owes an infinite debt to your genius and service to the game. Your passion has enveloped the entire world, making it forget about everything. Heck, you almost made most of us in India miss the cricket world cup finals in 2019! All of us are looking back, but you look forward and plan for a retirement as glorious as your panache on the tennis court.
Get Plenty Of REZZZZT
After rigorous hard work and practice and becoming the best, it’s time to rest! Playing tennis takes its toll on the body, leaving you with aches and pains all over. So now that retirement is at racket’s length, it’s time to pay attention to the more relaxing phase of your life. And how do you kickstart that, you ask? Well, the most important thing you can do is put off all your alarm clocks and get a great mattress specifically designed to provide maximum levels of comfort (similar to the maximum levels of discomfort you gave to your opponents). Whether singles or doubles, a luxurious orthopaedic mattress is one fit for being the champion’s choice!
Learn To Love Carb(onara)
Every time you stepped onto the tennis court, we just knew we were in for a sweet treat. With every backhand, the intensity with which the sound of the tennis ball hitting against your racket, we could feel the power of your serve echo through the court. Needless to say, such a presence on the court results from constant, rigorous training and following the proper diet and nutrition. But, of course, it comes with its own fair share of food discipline and sacrifice – giving up those sinful carbs! Nevertheless, with proper sports nutrition, you have managed to maintain your levels of greatness. Now, it’s time to set aside that tennis racket, spin your fork around and take a well-earned bite of spaghetti carbonara!
Occasionally Do Some Boring Math
Now that you have retired, you’ll have to spend time on budgeting and financial planning. Things could get tricky. We would love to make your finance game as strong as the 4 aces you served past Nadal on one single set. The last thing we would want is for you to cut corners and slice your wants and desires. But don’t worry, as you plan for your longest holiday, retirement, you got a friend in me (anytime you want a personal loan).
AND LASTLY, FORGIVE US FOR THIS LETTER!
Phew. We kind of screamed in that H2; sorry. But, you know we are kidding, right? We have loved you all our lives, and seeing you go is making us a bit…saaaaaaaad!!!
Anyway, after 20+ years on tour, 20 grand slam titles, and over 300 ATP-level tournament victories, it’s fair to say that you are something of a phenomenon. So many athletes are forced to retire from the sport they love before they’re ready, but you are no mere athlete! It makes us wonder if we will ever see another player as great as you. Sigh!
Long live the King, King Federer that is!
Interesting read! At first I was not sure where the writer was going, but the tongue in cheek tributes and the sarcastic tone eventually tied it all together!
As a non-tennis fan who is still aware of the legend of Roger Federer, the letter feels so genuine and heartfelt. Like the good in goodbye 🙂
Hahah, nice creative take. RF will be missed. Be ready if Roger Federer asks what documents he has to submit for a instant personal loan. 😛 😛